Life is happening

My kids are older, I am working part time as a fitness instructor. I am getting my second personal training certification (taking a break from studying right now). I actually had to do something on the laptop so here I am. 

Things are pretty good. 2018 was a good year. A LOT of growth on my part. Don't worry, I'm still "emotional" as usual, just quit being an emotional punching bag for other people. I am now always on guard of the intentions of others. It sucks so much to not trust a person. But I couldn't do it anymore. I was tired of only being contacted if they needed something, not a hey how are ya. Please, don't get me wrong I could have done the same damn thing but when you get to the point of where you're not walking on eggshells, it's an amazing feeling. Again, I know I am equally as guilty for allowing myself to be sucked in and I could've backed off way earlier. I'm older and a heck of a lot wiser. I'm still going to be nice to people. I'm just not going to stroke their ego anymore. 

I have a group of amazing people who were there for me and let me go through all of this and supported me throughout the whole thing. It sucked, lots of crying, lots of tears. I lost a person that I considered my best friend. But I regained relationships with those people who were there to help me and became more present in my marriage and with my kids. I almost lost the most important people in my life because of one person and that person wasn't my husband.

I won't get into details much more but things are better in my life, ups and downs for sure but that's life and I am working on all aspects of me and my family.

I also want to add, this is my blog, this is where I can put down my feelings. There are always 3 sides to the story: my side, their side, and what actually happened.  I have no other place to put them down and I don't name names. But if you read this and think it is about you. Just move on. Let me be. You do not need to comment to me on ANY type of platform. 

Over a year

life has gotten busier.

I miss being able just to sit down and let it all out.

I can’t do that for fear of, everything.

I’ve had ups and downs during the past year.

I know that my circle of trust is getting smaller and smaller by the week. I feel like I have to constantly look over my shoulder now. Those that I thought I could trust are starting to show their true colors.

I want to be optimistic, I try my damnedest to be optimistic. I’m really a pessimistic realist who feels like everyone is truly out for themselves and only use you for their gains and once they are done with you it is see ya later. You didn’t matter at all. Thanks for being my “bitch”. I don’t like that, I try very hard not to be like that.

People think I’m stupid. Keep thinking that way. Unless you try to get to know the real me, you will always think I’m stupid. Here’s another thing, I’m really observant.

So here’s the deal, I’m still going to be me. I’m not going to change. Treat me like a doormat, I just know that if you’re not a narcissist you will realize that my intentions have always been genuine and not for personal gain UNLESS EVERYONE got something out of it.

This isn’t to a specific person. I really have no one that this is directed to, I have just witnessed others being treated this way all my life. I have been on the receiving end and more than likely on the giving end.

Choose to be kind. Quit being selfish.

Still around

Life has been busy.

Kids. Business. Classes.

My birthday is just around the corner.  I'll be 40. I don't feel like I am about to turn 40. I don't think I am adjusting well. My hair is reddish- purple.

I hope to write more soon.

Makes me happy

So this is totally off my normal topic but I have to talk a bit about it. I came across an article or something stating that if you plugged in a certain topic on the Google search engine a mysterious label would pop-up and give you a warning. So I plugged in a sub-topic, and sure enough it came up! I have not a flipping clue on what it completely said because I didn't want to type in that topic multiple times and possibly trigger some kind of law enforcement thing. I'm so beyond glad right now. I had a hard time looking up articles because again,  I didn't want to trigger anything.

I'm  a mom of 2. I have been sexually abused as a child. When I read and did my own investigation I was happy that there is something to help parents on the internet to protect their children.

Thank you Google.

Start of school

Summer has been busy for us!

We went to Mexico for vacation.  Fun and sunburns were had by all!

School has started this week for us. The boy is in 2nd grad and the girl is in Kindergarten.  When did she grow up?! Still coming to grips with this.

New school, new principal. New parents who think they know everything, old parents who are used to the old way (yes, I'm one of them).  If you know me, and I mean really know me, you know that I will adhere to the guidelines and rules put forth by the school to a certain extent.  I am momma bear and I can get mouthy at times.  But it's because I don't understand what is going on. If I am still mouthy after that it's because I don't like it. 

My son has an amazing teacher this year! How do I know? She was his kindergarten teacher! She was asked to move to 2nd grade.  This was prayers answered. I had 2 teachers that I wanted him to have and we got one of them.  She knows him, he responds amazingly to her.  I am so very thankful for that.

My daughter has a first year teacher, I'm excited for this year for the both of them. It's going to be different for my baby, but I know she'll do well.

I am that mom. Transition for me is going to be hard. I am thankful that I am trying to push it.  I am also thankful that the requirements the new principal set forth with parents lingering after the start bell.  I'm a lingering parent.  So, I think maybe 2 more days of walking them in.  I don't know yet.  And if the principal ever reads this, sorry, there's just somethings a mom can't NOT do.


In other news, Zumba Kids!  Holy moley! I am teaching a 6 week program starting next month.  Ahhhh! It's really happening! I am so excited and SO behind on my lesson plans! But whoa! I am happy about this!

My business is doing good. Really steady. About to explode.

Friday night April 1st, 2016

So as a few of you might know I am a licensed B1 Zumba instructor, I also have Aqua Zumba and Zumba Kids + Zumba Kids Jr licenses as well. I recently became a certified Aqua fit instructor and I am currently working on getting my group X certification. 

Well, last night was the first ever Zumba Kids Party at the YMCA that I work at, want to talk about nervous. Yes, I get nervous every time I teach anything. I will probably be ready to throw up when I have to teach a water aerobics class. I don't have that great of self esteem. I blush or clam up when I get compliments. I have been talked down to so much in my past made to feel like I am inferior or not good enough in anything I have done. My husband for the past 15 years has been trying to get that out of me. I used to be really bold and confident.

But that is only part of the point, those kids were wonderful. Even my oldest was in the class and I was pretty aprehensive with him participating, wasn't sure if he was going to be a boogerhead or if he was actually going to listen. He listened for the most part, he hit the wall of tired a few times. I don't want my son or any of those kids to feel the way I felt when I was their age and feel now at 39.

I have my own business (my link to my store is floating somewhere in my bio). I use my business and Zumba together. People see me outside of the facility I work at and we talk about everything we talk about my business and the products that I use and absolutely LOVE!!! The team that I am a part of helps and the CDs and books that I listen to and read help me tremendously. My confidence is creeping back, I wish it was a bit faster. I use what I have learned from my business and my team to better serve the awesome people that come to my classes. This is important for all of you to know, I do not talk about my business to people that come to the facility, even if they approach me.  If I am asked about it, I ask if there is another time to do it.

I want to pass on the positivity to the kids and other women like me. I want those who are depressed, overweight, or just not happy to find an outlet that makes them happy.

Last night was an awakening of sorts for me, it showed me that I still have patience with children and I still get a kick out of having fun and that all my planning and unnecessary stress worked out and could've been less in the stress department. But it wasn't worse either.

My circle of friends is small, I have even had to remove a few from the inner circle recently. It about killed me, I don't make friends that easy because I am the weird one. My small group of friends accept my weirdness and for that I am thankful. I'm starting to become happier and losing some more weight, FINALLY!

I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

Heaven gained an angel

One of my friends from junior high school said goodbye to her 17 year old daughter yesterday afternoon.

Let me tell you a little bit about my friend first. Katherine or Kiki when I first met her was really confident, talented, and smart. For me her confidence was intimidating. Aside from all of that she was and still is one of the nicest and most honest people you'll ever meet. After high school we lost touch as it happens from time to time. Then thanks to facebook I found her again. She was married, with kids and step-children. She had twins, Lauren and Madison. Lauren passed away suddenly when she was an infant. I can't remember the age but I believe she was under 1 year old.

Madison was still alive and thriving. Katherine called her, her Mini-me (When I saw Madison I saw the girl I went to school with). I was blessed to know Madison over social media, one of my major plans next time I went to NC was to see Katherine and finally meet Madison.

What did I know about Madison? Honestly not as much as a lot of other people. She was smart and sweet. One thing that stood out the most was how on fire for the Lord she was, I've read a lot of tributes and memories of her and what I have read is that she was not ashamed of being on fire for the Lord and how she went about sharing His word and His love. She was also a hard worker. 3 jobs at the age of 17, she got a 3rd job to get the motor fixed in her car. WOW!

I just hope that my kids are half of what she was.

My heart hurts for my friend. I don't know the details of what happened and if Katherine wants to tell me down the road, that is between her and I. I can't even wrap my head around what she is feeling. All I can do is pray for her.

So please, pray for my friend and her family. Also, pray for all of the people who personally knew Madison.

Thank you.