It's been a while. And although I've been sorta online I haven't really wanted to post because I really have been having some issues. I even had my first panic attack earlier this week. Without going into details on what was the ignition factor. Let's just say that I am doing better and although I am still getting frustrated, I have caught myself and focused on calming down before I follow through. I think the meds are finally kicking in as well.
I have a friend, who I went to high school with, who is a mom of 2 beautiful girls. She also has a job outside of the home aside from being a mom. I don't know how my mother did it and I don't know how she does it or anyone else for that matter. I don't think I could do that, at least right now. It's not the fact that I'm breastfeeding, it's the fact that I am SO unorganized and scatterbrained right now I'm lucky to go out with clothes on when I leave the house. Okay it's not THAT bad but it feels like it. I have gone out with my towel on my head a few times.
My Lil Man is now 3 and the attitude and tantrums are full force. So I really need to monitor my frustrations and basically take a time out because he will copy me. We are potty training and I am going nuts! We've got the #1 down. Sometimes when he is really focused he goes without knowing it. The #2 is our issue. He goes in his underwear or pull-up and he knows not to, so without scolding him, he does have consequences. Let me tell you he is not liking them and those tantrums come out. Now with all of us trying to adjust it gets really ugly. The baby starts crying, during that time while I'm trying to calm her down, he starts demanding things and when I am unable to do it or I try to correct him, he starts pitching a fit. It progresses from there. Or if he gets upset and starts crying, then she will wake up and start crying. I'm ready to pull my hair out!
I am overwhelmed with all of this. It is finally getting better on most fronts. I have my moments of wanting to stay in bed and if I had blinds trust me they would be closed and it would be dark. I also have my moments of wanting to give up. But, I look at those 2 beautiful children that God gave me and I know there is something bigger than me working. They need me just as much as I need them. So I readjust my focus and go through the day and make it better, especially if it has been a bad day to start off with.
When all of this started it was a minute by minute thing. Then went to hour by hour. Now, we are going day by day. Sometimes it goes back to hour by hour but regrouping helps, naps if you can get them work at times too. Believe it or not getting out of the house and going to a playground so at least the most active kid can expunge some energy and you can get some fresh air really does help. Heck, even a shower helps! If you have issues with this and more than one kid, here's a suggestion. If you have a child who isn't in school and stays home. Put them down for a nap and with the little one get them in a swing or bouncy chair place it in your bathroom and take that shower. That is what I do. I have the baby monitor on for Lil Man. I come out of the shower with how many layers of yuck cleaned off and feel like a human again. Seriously, there is nothing like having clean hair, it makes me feel so much better.
Again if you are having these negative feelings please find someone, anyone who will listen. Talk to one of the pastors at church. I am the queen of keeping things bottled up and then letting it explode. Kinda like that thing with the mentos and soda bottles. It hurts and it's messy.
While I document this journey I hope that I can give little suggestions here and there like I did above. You don't have to follow it to the letter, it is an idea and maybe you can find something that works for you.
I have a friend, who I went to high school with, who is a mom of 2 beautiful girls. She also has a job outside of the home aside from being a mom. I don't know how my mother did it and I don't know how she does it or anyone else for that matter. I don't think I could do that, at least right now. It's not the fact that I'm breastfeeding, it's the fact that I am SO unorganized and scatterbrained right now I'm lucky to go out with clothes on when I leave the house. Okay it's not THAT bad but it feels like it. I have gone out with my towel on my head a few times.
My Lil Man is now 3 and the attitude and tantrums are full force. So I really need to monitor my frustrations and basically take a time out because he will copy me. We are potty training and I am going nuts! We've got the #1 down. Sometimes when he is really focused he goes without knowing it. The #2 is our issue. He goes in his underwear or pull-up and he knows not to, so without scolding him, he does have consequences. Let me tell you he is not liking them and those tantrums come out. Now with all of us trying to adjust it gets really ugly. The baby starts crying, during that time while I'm trying to calm her down, he starts demanding things and when I am unable to do it or I try to correct him, he starts pitching a fit. It progresses from there. Or if he gets upset and starts crying, then she will wake up and start crying. I'm ready to pull my hair out!
I am overwhelmed with all of this. It is finally getting better on most fronts. I have my moments of wanting to stay in bed and if I had blinds trust me they would be closed and it would be dark. I also have my moments of wanting to give up. But, I look at those 2 beautiful children that God gave me and I know there is something bigger than me working. They need me just as much as I need them. So I readjust my focus and go through the day and make it better, especially if it has been a bad day to start off with.
When all of this started it was a minute by minute thing. Then went to hour by hour. Now, we are going day by day. Sometimes it goes back to hour by hour but regrouping helps, naps if you can get them work at times too. Believe it or not getting out of the house and going to a playground so at least the most active kid can expunge some energy and you can get some fresh air really does help. Heck, even a shower helps! If you have issues with this and more than one kid, here's a suggestion. If you have a child who isn't in school and stays home. Put them down for a nap and with the little one get them in a swing or bouncy chair place it in your bathroom and take that shower. That is what I do. I have the baby monitor on for Lil Man. I come out of the shower with how many layers of yuck cleaned off and feel like a human again. Seriously, there is nothing like having clean hair, it makes me feel so much better.
Again if you are having these negative feelings please find someone, anyone who will listen. Talk to one of the pastors at church. I am the queen of keeping things bottled up and then letting it explode. Kinda like that thing with the mentos and soda bottles. It hurts and it's messy.
While I document this journey I hope that I can give little suggestions here and there like I did above. You don't have to follow it to the letter, it is an idea and maybe you can find something that works for you.
