My Post-Partum Depression

I’m 34 years old, I’ve just had my 2nd child, a beautiful baby girl, I have a wonderful, handful of an almost 3 year old little boy and I have post-partum depression.


How do I know? Because I’ve been depressed for a lot longer than I’d like to admit. I think it started with my first pregnancy, that was in 2006. I was excited, really wasn’t expecting it, but boy it was great thinking about names already. We went to the doctor for the usual checks, the first ultrasound and that’s when I started getting lots of blood taken. Long story short this pregnancy was an ectopic pregnancy. I was devastated to say the least. I have a tendency to keep things in any way, well I just sucked it up and continued on, I then proceeded to lose my job, that was okay but before that happened I was just way too emotional and sad, but a few months later I found a new one. Around Christmas that year, there was a Hallmark commercial on TV and it was about those keepsake ornaments that say baby’s first Christmas and all that, well I just broke down.

Fast Forward to 2008, I had my job that I really enjoyed, had a firm but awesome boss and worked with some decent people. I had an opportunity to start working part-time there. Which meant I got to spend more time with my husband and we got to go and do a lot of things and see some neat places. I was in a better place. We’re big NASCAR fans and we had the chance to go to the Daytona 500, had pit passes even got to help out with a team during the truck series race, it wasn‘t right there but it was running drinks to the pit crew when the truck wasn‘t in the pit. We got home and started repacking, we were heading to the Las Vegas race a few weeks after that and the week before we left for the race, I found out that I was pregnant. I was happy but also scared out of my mind. I went to the doctor the week after we got back and we had a viable sac! Yay! Heard the heartbeat and everything. In October of that year we welcomed our son. Absolutely wonderful! Now to explain a few bits that I didn’t mention in the first paragraph, I had a methatrexate shot that dissolved my ectopic pregnancy, we found it early enough that I didn’t have to have a DNC, the day I got the shot was 2 days before my birthday. 2 years to the date of the shot was when I first saw my son on the ultrasound.

After my son arrived baby blues kicked in, but they didn’t go away. I was sad, lonely, and I was irritated VERY easily. I had all those feelings that could be associated with PPD and Depression. We went to my OB/Gyn to talk to her, I was then put on Lexapro and that helped out a good bit. In 2010 we moved to Texas from Arkansas and then with in 7 months we moved yet again, still in Texas but closer to my family. Which has positive and negative affects. But the positive out weigh the negative. That December I got sick one day and my husband said go buy a pregnancy test. He was right, I was pregnant. I was NOT expecting to be pregnant again. I wasn’t able to get an appointment until Jan of 2011.

So we started out the new year with a very sick little boy and a doctor’s appointment. I went to the doctor, brand new OB/Gyn, who is awesome! I got checked out and my ultrasound (the usual), we had a viable sac with a heartbeat, I had a fibroid tumor right at my cervix and my cervix looked a bit more fragile than I guess a normal pregnant woman’s cervix would look. I had spotting all the way up until May, I had a scare in April right after Easter when 2 blood clots came out when I went to the bathroom one day. I was sick the entire pregnancy and more moody than I usually am. My husband knew right away because of how moody I was that we were going to have a girl. 4 ultrasounds confirmed it. I was very apprehensive about having a girl. Scared out of my mind is more like it. I’ve been so used to boys with my nephews and my son, this was going to be like an alien planet or learning a dead language.

Well, in August we had a beautiful baby girl and I’m loving every minute of her. However, I’m really feeling overwhelmed, I do have family and my husband to help me. I’ve got the sad, lonely feelings and I have been getting irritated. My doctor has put me on Wellbutrin. I haven’t been on it long enough to notice anything just yet. I will be trying to find a counselor to talk to during this time. But now that I am really paying attention to what is going on with me now and how it will affect my family not just myself, I need to do something about it. I want my kids to have fun with me and not be afraid of which mommy they might get. I’ve put my husband through the wringer during this pregnancy and so far after it. I’m trying to approach things with a different perspective. So far I’m doing okay, some days are better than others. I’ll do a follow up post after a few weeks to let you know where I’m at in this part of my journey.

On a side note I did see a lot of postings on twitter about a man named Trey Pennington from Greenville, SC. He was this social media guy that a lot of people knew about in that world. I’m just barely on the edge I know people who I can direct you to talk to. Well, this man killed himself because he suffered from depression. I’ve seen lots of posts that have people talking about depression. Any kind of depression is serious and it needs to be talked about. This isn’t a one person battle, this is where the village can come in, if you don’t have family you can confide in, find a friend, be it an online friend or your best friend you only talk to now since you live so far away. Don’t let it go, get help. People with depression suffer in silence because we think that we'll be a burden.  But think about people who have lost loved ones to suicide, they always say if the came and talked to me I would have tried to help or I wish I had seen the signs.  Each person is different and if they aren't acting their usual self, get nosy and be there for them.