Changing my approach

*DISCLAIMER- there are going to be a lot of "I"s in this post because this is a self-realization blog.  So if this sounds a bit selfish in nature, my apologies.  Thank you for reading*

As you all know, if you follow this blog I have been sharing with you my journey through this PPD.  Right now it seems like it is winning though.  I don't like that.  I don't like who I am when I let it win.  You'll see a 3 year old in a 34 year old's body, but my 3 year old doesn't stomp around like I do.  I've got to change that.  If I don't, who knows what can happen.  I've been on the antidepressant for a bit now and if you want my honest opinion I don't think it is working.  I think it is making me worse.  I do feel overwhelmed with the kids but I need to manage my time a bit better.  I think if we (meaning the kids and I) have a schedule during the day then I truly believe that I can start improving.  I think I'm going to need to start writing my feelings down for my husband because I always end up crying when I talk to him.  He doesn't make me cry I just start crying because I start understanding that I'm at fault for a good sum of the things I get frustrated with. 

I am not putting all the blame on me and leaving my husband blameless but I'd say about 90% of my issues and frustrations are stuff that I've done. And the small percent that my husband or kids "do" set me off and I go off the deep end.  I need to change my approach on everything in my life.  I actually started with my attitude towards my FIL.  Weird, huh?  Also today I started to get out and exercise.  I'm going to do a gradual growth instead of jumping head first.  I started walking in the park today.  I could've gone a bit longer but the geese started chasing us.  I am still taking my antidepressant and giving it a chance with my impending life changes.  If that doesn't help then I will talk to my doctor about getting off of it and maybe trying a holistic approach as long as it is safe for my baby because I am still nursing.

I am also going to start really diving into making menu plans.  I've got enough cookbooks and enough friends I can take recipes from. I am also going to try cutting coupons to improve our savings.  Just wish I could go to the Walmart and HEB in the next town because they are bigger and have more items but they are 30 minutes away and that is a lot of gas.

Thank you for your support and prayers.  They are still needed and I will keep you all updated on this.