In this journey of me trying to gain a grasp on my depression and anger issues, I have finally vocalized something that I have have known in the back of my head for a VERY long time. I am a doormat. I hold some people on a pedestal. Those people don't know and if they do they don't give a rat's butt about me or the fact that I look up to them and yet, I still want their acceptance.
If there is one thing that I think you should know about me is that once there is a friendship started, I am a loyal friend. I don't find it beneficial to talk about anyone in a negative light, I used to relish in it, thought it made me feel better. It didn't. I can be overbearing and SUPER annoying. I don't have a lot of good friends and the few that I have I have known for the majority of my life. So as an adult it has been very hard for me and yes I do hide behind my children, but I also use them as a get to know you tool.
My last session with my therapist went pretty well. She begged me to start on Paxil. I have been very reluctant to trying to take anti-depressants again. The Wellbutrin was making me weepier (if that is possible), I was also taking birth control. I got off the both of them. The BC was doing wonky things with me and since I'm 35, family history of blood clots, didn't want to risk it.
Now, I just need to work on getting those people off of those pedestals. That way I can stop having a pity party, I also hope that it'll have a great affect on when I start getting depressed because everyone in my family suffers. That also means I need to quit asking those people for help, because I have realized that they are not the ones who will help me.
If there is one thing that I think you should know about me is that once there is a friendship started, I am a loyal friend. I don't find it beneficial to talk about anyone in a negative light, I used to relish in it, thought it made me feel better. It didn't. I can be overbearing and SUPER annoying. I don't have a lot of good friends and the few that I have I have known for the majority of my life. So as an adult it has been very hard for me and yes I do hide behind my children, but I also use them as a get to know you tool.
My last session with my therapist went pretty well. She begged me to start on Paxil. I have been very reluctant to trying to take anti-depressants again. The Wellbutrin was making me weepier (if that is possible), I was also taking birth control. I got off the both of them. The BC was doing wonky things with me and since I'm 35, family history of blood clots, didn't want to risk it.
Now, I just need to work on getting those people off of those pedestals. That way I can stop having a pity party, I also hope that it'll have a great affect on when I start getting depressed because everyone in my family suffers. That also means I need to quit asking those people for help, because I have realized that they are not the ones who will help me.
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