It happened a little over a year ago...

It's really difficult for me to write this post.  It doesn't matter how long or short it is going to be, it is still difficult.  I have gone through my mind in the last week on if I should write this.  I am not proud of what happened. But I think I need to let others know that there is help.

Memorial Day weekend 2013 was my lowest point ever in my life.  My kids and husband were waiting in the truck for me as I had run in the house to get something I forgot.  I had gotten upset at something before going back in, I simply started thinking that they would be better off without me. I really don't deserve to have them in my life.  But God has given me a "gift" (if you will) that since I am an emotional person and have a tendency think and react with my emotions, if I get this way I think about the logical stand point of it all.  Costs of everything for everyone.  It's weird, I know but that kind of snaps me back to reality.

Although, still pretty emotional, I eventually told my husband how I was feeling and the thoughts going through my head.  I had no reason why, he's the logical one and your typical man of wanting to fix it.  Want to talk about calling the cavalry, we called our new pastor, called very good friends, called our old pastor.  Tried to call my old therapist but that didn't pan out. Called my sister-in-law and then eventually called my parents.  I was texting my cousin as well, since it's easier for us that way to communicate.  I am a private person when it comes to situations like this but I have been wanting to share my journey with you all because, well, I need it and someone else might.

I have depression, I am not where I think I should be, but I am away from where I was.  There is help out there.  Sadly, subtle hints won't always work, just as screaming won't work at times either.  There are sources, even if you don't go to church, there are pastors who are willing to help you, and they might have resources if you aren't comfortable talking to them.  There are numbers you can call, I have a pinterest account (surprise). If this is the only thing I have on this board then that's all that matters.

Don't give up.  Find someone to talk to....